Nuts and Bolts
by Inkfamy
Summary: A collection of short crackfics. Including Red Alert finding out about human food and Bud's insanity, Optimus Prime's meeting with the Good Fairy and The Happy Tree Friends. And we won't even METION the MIB part. Lots of OOCness. Mainly based in UTrilogy.
1. The Rare and Special Delicacy

RE: Okee dokee. This is one of the many daft ficlets that I have planned, so sit back, relax and enjoy the nuttiness! Takes place in TF Cybertron.

DD: Watch out. It's scary nutty.

Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers™ and never will no matter how much I

want to. If I did then there would be werewolves and vampires and

Starscream would be able to do whatever he wanted. I don't own

Kinder® either.

**The Rare and Special Delicacy**

"This is one of Earth's most special foods." Bud told the puzzled Autobot.

Red Alert stared at the small item in the human's hand and tried politely to understand.

"But you just got it out the shop." He protested. "Reverb drove you down so that you could buy it."

"Ah. But that doesn't mean to say it's not special." Bud pointed out. "It is just about the best thing that you can buy."

Red Alert nodded and began to regret asking Bud about human food. He should have waited until Lauren came back and asked her. But alas, he couldn't turn back time like Vector Prime so he would just have to stick it out and ask somebody sane later.

"So," he asked crossing his legs. "How do you eat it?"

Bud looked really excited.

"Well what you have to do is peel away the special skin that protects the wonderful food inside, and then you have to remove the inner skin and pull out the cuisine. Then you break it all up into little pieces and carefully eat them one by one, only slow so that you can enjoy the taste. Then –"

Red Alert nodded his head and mentally made a note to contact a mental hospice. Thankfully he was saved before Bud could continue anymore by the door to the main control room opening and the other two humans walking in.

"OK we heard it all." Colby said with a worried look on his face.

"Yeah." Lauren walked over to see what Bud was holding up to Red Alert. "Bud _why_ are you telling Red Alert how to eat Kinder® Buenos?"


	2. He Finally Realizes

RE: Well here we go. This idea popped into my head while I was writing

another story and is just generally crazy. Is in no way related to _The Rare _

_and Special Delicacy_ 'cept for the fact that it's TF. For **_LadyStarscream_**.

Hope that you enjoy.

_**LadyStarscream:**_

A Kinder® Bueno is a wafer biscuit covered in chocolate and filled with a hazelnutty cream stuff made by Kinder® and I love them. I quite like TF Cybertron Red Alert, except for the fact that he complains too much, I think Hot Shot just aggravates him a lot. Cept I can't be the judge yet coz Cybertron's only just been showing here in the UK for about 2 weeks. /sigh/ why are we always the last to get stuff over here? I mean we're like one of the 8 richest countries in the world.

No I don't write G1 fics specially, coz I've never seen on of them. I just use the characters from them to fill out my stories. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers™ and probably never will. /sigh/

**He Finally Realizes…**

Optimus Prime looked around at the sleeping Autobots and Decepticons. Red Alert was cuddled up with Jet Fire, Megatron was holding Starscream close, Thundercracker was lying next to Hot Shot, Cyclonus had rested his head on Landmine's chest plate etc. most surprising of all, Iron Hide was curled up with a TF sized teddy that he had produced from sub-space and was sucking his thumb.

He cautiously walked over to his arch-enemy, Megatron, and gave him a wary prod. When he didn't stir, apart from tightening his grip on Starscream, Optimus proceeded about trying to wake up the rest of his and Megatron's army. After a few hours he sat down, folded his arms and tried to work out what had sent them all into such a sound sleep.

He racked his processor and struggled to come up with an answer.

Suddenly there was a loud pop, like someone had stuck a pin in a balloon, and a puff of smoke appeared in front of him.

"Hi!" a cheery voice beside him giggled.

He jumped and turned to face the source of the noise. A small human-like thing hung in the air. On its back there were two small wings that were fluttering like crazy. It had blonde hair, appeared to be wearing a dress made from flower petals and was holding a little glittery stick thing with a star on the end. The dress was pink.

Since nobody had told him that this was not normal he assumed that things like this happened to humans every day.

"Hello. What's your name?" he asked.

The human thing giggled again. "I'm The Good Fairy. I just finished dealing with that horrid Little Bunny Foo Foo and now I'm here to see you! You see; every time you give one of your speeches to Megatron everyone gets bored and falls asleep. Allow me to demonstrate."

The Good Fairy waved her stick-thing and a TF sized TV and a small child appeared. An episode of Transformers showed; at the point where Optimus gives Megatron a lecture on teamwork and doing good deeds. Halfway through his speech the child got bored and fell asleep. The Good Fairy waved her stick-thing and the TV and child disappeared in a cloud of pink smoke.

"Now you see." She said, her voice growing serious. "It is horrendously boring for all of the TF viewers at home to have to sit and listen to you for such a long time. So I'm going to have to turn you into a Goon!"

"Now hold on a minute. Can't we work this out –" Optimus started.

"And that's exactly what I'm talking about." The Good Fairy cut him off.

She waved her stick-thing again and Optimus found himself shrinking.

He looked down at his hands and saw that they were splodgey and blue.

The Good Fairy nodded to herself and disappeared in a puff of orange.

Optimus heard a squelchey noise off to his left and turned to see a blobby green blob making its way towards him.

"Hey." It said. "What's your name?"

"Optimus Prime." He replied weakly. "Yours?"

"Little Bunny Foo Foo." The green blob told him. "The Good Fairy get you too?"

And the moral of this story is; Leader of the Autobots today, weird blobby blue thing tomorrow for giving long boring speeches.

_**Very Important!**_

**_I know people have visited this without reviewing coz I checked my stats page! Please don't just read and not review! Please let me know people read this!_**

RE: And that concludes our nutty adventure for today, boys and girls. Review

for more! Ha, ha. Even _I_ didn't see The Good Fairy coming until I'd

written up to the third paragraph.

DD: I'm… I'm just going… just going… going… going over here. /runs for

it/

RE/watches DDs retreating back/ Anyhoo, I forgot to say in the last story

that I'm not updating this depending on how many reviews I get

(although updates do come faster if I am inspired by lots of reviews) but

rather by when I come up with daft ideas to write about. Ideas and

suggestions for crazy ficlets are very welcome and will be loved and

cared for! Hope you enjoyed!

Review if you want me to write faster! Flamers will be used to

make rice crispy cakes! Mmm… rice crispy cakes…


	3. The Happy Tree Friends

RE: Well I came up with the idea for this fic, again, while I was writing

another story. For this to completely make sense you should go to

and watch an episode or five. Blame my

friends, Greig and Alana for introducing me to their twisted world. It's

basically lots of cute, furry (and may I add animated) woodland creatures

either being massacred or massacring themselves or those around them in

a few minutes and may be quite disturbing to those under 12 or 13, or

those who don't like anime gore.

Cybertron. Might not be as funny as _He Finally Realizes…_ though, just

scary in a funny way.

For **_LadyStarscream and Sapphire225._**

_**LadyStarscream:**_

Hmm… chibbis huh… that will be appearing soon… ENJOY! DON't FORGET TO GO TO HAPPY TREE FRIENDS!

_**Sapphire225:**_

A Kinder® Bueno is a A Kinder® Bueno is a wafer biscuit covered in chocolate and filled with a hazelnutty cream stuff made by Kinder® and I love them. Blue blobby Op rules!

Op: I really need to find the no. of a mental house…

/pulls out huge machine gun/ What was that?

Op: nothing…

Groovy. MIND ANG GO TO THE HAPPY TREE FRIENS SITE! ENJOY!

Disclaimer: Neither Transformers™ or Happy Tree Friends™ belong to me.

**The Happy Tree Friends and how They'll Change Your Life**

All of the humans, except for Lauren (namely Colby and Bud), were gathered around a computer screen and laughing. There were the occasional squeaks, whimpers and screams from whatever it was that they were looking at.

"Hey what are they watching?" Jet Fire asked, kneeling down next to the girl.

Lauren (aka Killjoy) looked up from the book she was reading and scowled.

"It's a website called _The Happy Tree Friends™._" She told him. "It's stupid. Basically the creators made all of these cute virtual animals and they show them in short episodes and make them have these horrible accidents which are really gross and are supposed to be funny when all they are is dumb and disturbing."

Jet Fire nodded and stood up. He had long ago learned that whatever Lauren thought of as dumb and boring should be considered fun and interesting until proven otherwise. (And what she thought of as interesting should be avoided at all costs).

He walked over to the boys and looked down at them.

"What's this _Happy Tree Friends™_ thing all about then?"

"Oh hi Jet Fire." Colby smiled. "It's kinda hard to explain so do you mind if we call it up on the big screen and just show you?"

"Hey, sure, why not?" Jet Fire shrugged.

Bud pulled out the human sized keyboard and tapped in the web address. Then he selected _Eyes Cold Lemonade_ (no spelling error. You have to watch it to understand) from the playlist and set it to run. The other TFs gathered around to watch.

Lauren gave a sigh of disgust and walked out of the control room to get some fresh air and to be away from all of the dying screams of _The Happy Tree Friends™_.

Inside the Autobots watched in fascinated terror as the small furry things on the screen were killed one by one. It was the kind of horror you just had to watch.

Megatron watched as the female human walked out of a door in the rock. He waited until she was out of sight before giving the order.

"Decepticons, attack!"

The Decepticons ran through the base towards the control room. When they got there they were shocked at what they saw.

The Autobots were laughing as small furry earth creatures were slowly and painfully killed on a viewscreen.

"Look what's happening to those small furry earth animals!" Starscream shouted. "That's just cruel!"

"Yeah. We shouldn't stand for that kind of behaviour!" TC protested.

"Right, that's it men. We're joining a _Save the Animals_ campaign!" Megatron marched out followed by the two seekers.

The Autobots watched in bemusement as their enemies left to join _Greenpeace_.

"So uh… what d'you wanna do now that the war's over?" Hot Shot asked nervously

"Let's watch some more_ Happy Tree Friends™_!"

RE: Was it just me or did anyone else find that disturbing? Anyhoo, tell me

what you thought and whether or not you enjoyed _The Happy Tree _

_Friends™_!


	4. April Fools

RE: Well this idea came randomly into my head and kept knocking for

attention so here it is!

Cybertron. Slightly related to _He Finally Realizes…_ but only in one

aspect of the plot, you'll understand when you read it. For

**_AngeGardenvoir and Sapphire225_**

_**AngeGardenvir:**_

/grins/ So you liked it that much? My mom's read all of these and she says that this is the best one yet (personally I think that _He Finally Realizes_ is but there you go). Enjoy!

_**Sapphire225:**_

Hey! You've seen The Happy Tree Friends! Groovy! I love it! Here's another chapter of misery for the TFs! This time with the Cons getting all the fun/laughs evilly/ Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing! Nothing I tell you! Well except my CDs and my

stories and my socks and my bed and my jewellery /voice is heard

fading out as story begins/

**April Fools…**

Megatron checked to make sure his men were in position. They all gave him a silent nod of confirmation. He got ready and signalled to Starscream to begin. The red seeker transformed and flew towards where the Autobots were gathered.

"Hey Auto-freaks!" he yelled, "Bet you can't catch me!"

The Autobots looked up from whatever they were doing in surprise.

"Hey! It's Starscream!" Hot Shot shouted.

Starscream transformed into his robot mode and looked down at all the Autobots.

"Still bet you can't catch me." He taunted.

"Yes we can!" Optimus answered.

"Nuh uh."

"Yuh huh."

"Nuh uh."

"Yuh huh."

"Nuh uh."

"Yuh huh."

"Nuh uh."

"Yuh huh."

"Nuh uh."

"Yuh huh."

"Nuh uh."

"Yuh huh."

(Half an hour later.)

"Nuh uh."

"Yuh huh."

"Nuh uh."

"Yuh huh."

"Nuh uh."

"Yuh huh."

"Fine! Prove it!" Starscream commanded and transformed and flew away.

"Come on men! Let's get him!" Optimus shouted.

The Autoboots (bots, sorry bots.) transformed and flew, raced, rolled, trundled, rattled and sped after the retreating seeker's back.

Megatron saw Starscream approaching and signalled for his men to get ready. When Starscream zoomed past the markers, Cyclonus played the tape recording he had got off of ebay. The Autobots transformed and immediately fell to the ground twitching and eventually sleeping as the voice of Optimus Prime talking about friendship and teamwork boomed out over the canyon.

When he was totally sure that the Autobots were out of it Megatron thoughtfully removed his ear plugs and mulled over the possibilities of Optimus's speeches. An entire planet could be subdued… but not now. He checked to make sure that the rest of the Cons had removed their ear plugs and gave the order.

Optimus Prime turned on his optics with a groan and looked up at the sky. He could hear the other Autobutts (bots sorry) picking themselves up and moaning. Suddenly he heard Jet Fire give a shout. This was joined a few seconds later by the rest of his team. He rolled over, stood up and got the shock of his life. All of the Autobots were… wait for it… _PINK_.

Colour on the canyon wall caught his attention. In huge letters, printed on the wall were the words: _Ha, ha. Got you Prime. Remember the date? It's April 1st! Now turn around._

"Megatron's behind this." He growled and turned around.

In more huge letters was scrawled the message: _Smile! You're on 'You've Been Framed – Cybertron'! April fools are fools _FOREVER_ Prime!_

He spotted the small camera attached to the top of the cliff and shot it. It exploded spectacularly into a million pieces which then vanished as it was de-atomised. Or it should have done. In the real world the force-field around it rippled and nothing very interesting happened, apart from a duck that was flying over the cliff top suddenly got the biggest, shortest and, most importantly, last shock of its life: it exploded spectacularly into a million pieces which then vanished as it was de-atomised.

And the whole of Cybertron laughed and laughed and laughed.

RE: Well, hope you enjoyed! Was it suitably twisted? Remember; those who

read and don't review will be tracked down and shot/idly waves toy

water-gun around/ What? I'm 13! Where'd ya think I'd get a real gun?

DD: What did that poor duck do to offend you?

RE: It was a duck. I only like ducks when they're cooked/ roasted and served

on a plate, preferably with some sort of sauce. And did you notice how

they always fly in that V formation? I think that they have an evil plan to

take over the world and ban Transformers™! Beware my friends! The

ducks are plotting against us/runs away to hide/

DD: So I guess that none of you told her that it's _geese_ that fly in a V

formation and ducks are the ones that sit on ponds and eat bread? No? Oh

well. /wanders off to find RE and explain things to her/


	5. They Finally Realize

RE/comes into room looking cautious/ Are the ducks here? What about the

geese?

DD: No.

RE: OK then. On with the story. /sits down at laptop looking happy/ OK peeps,

this is a sequel to _He Finally Realizes…_, takes place a few days after the

original story. I just had to write this, I couldn't leave it alone it's too

much fun, and my plot bunny for this story gave me a few more ideas.

You're a good plot bunny aren't you Flopsy/cuddles plot bunny/ Let the

craziness begin! For**_ Lady Starscream, AngeGardenvoir, Sapphire225 _**

_**and Thatredcar.**_

_**LadyStarscream:**_

Well I won't say your fic didn't give me a bit of inspiration… hope you don't mind. Hehehe. /laughs nervously/ please don't sue me. I'll do anything you want… sorry if I didn't review your story but you'd practically finished by the time I read it… hehehe, sorry… it was really good… /grovels/

And thanks for pointing out my mistake in _Left Behind_. That's the last time I upload more than one doc at a time and don't check it first, I've sorted it out now…

DD: Moron

Yeah, I know. /sigh/

_**AngeGardenvoir:**_

Thankies for the review! Here's your update, tell me how the whole insanity thing goes, I've always wanted to give it a try…

_**Sapphire225:**_

If you've died of laughter does that mean you're not gonna update _Screamarella_? And am I gonna get done for manslaughter?

Hey, you know what? You can't spell 'manslaughter' without 'man's laughter'.

DD: Why did she want to know that?

I dunno, it's just something Max said to me one day.

_**Thatredcar:**_

Mwahahahaha, the water gun of doom! Be afraid! Be very afraid! next I will set Prime on someone and make them die of _boredom _mwahaha! Enjoy.

--------

Disclaimer: I don't own Tfs (Oh no! A normal disclaimer! The ducks have got me!)

**They Finally Realize…**

The Autobots and Decepticons looked at each other in bemusement. They weren't exactly sure what had occurred after the strange human-like thing had appeared, except from the fact that they were now a lot smaller than they should have been and, sure as hell was filled with lava and brimstone, didn't look like their formers selves.

Jet Fire mentally went over the past five minutes in his processor, trying to find a solution to what had happened.

--------

The Autobots and Decepticons stood facing each other, weapons drawn, waiting for the other side to do something. They had been in that position for almost an hour.

Finally Jet Fire spoke up.

"What have you done with Optimus, Megatron?" he demanded.

"That's strange," the Con leader growled, "I was just about to ask you the same question."

There was a loud pop, like someone had stuck a pin in a balloon, and a puff of pink smoke appeared in front of them. When the smoke cleared they could see a small human-like thing hanging in the air. On its back there were two small wings that were fluttering like crazy. It had blonde hair, appeared to be wearing a dress made from flower petals and was holding a little glittery stick thing with a star on the end. The dress was pink.

Since nobody had told them that this was not normal they assumed that things like this happened to humans every day.

"Um… what's your name?" Jet Fire asked uncertainly.

Whatever it was giggled, "I'm The Good Fairy, I just finished sending Cinderella to the grand ball and giving her that fairytale ending and now I'm here to see all of you!"

"Right…" Hot Shot said backing away slightly.

"I don't have to listen to this rubbish," Starscream snarled. He transformed and flew off towards the open skies.

A blue bubble appeared around the TFs and Starscream smashed into it. Dizzily he fell in a nosedive and the ground next to Megatron.

"'S hard," he murmured in surprise.

"You can't leave yet!" The Good Fairy protested, "See I'm here to help you to sort out your differences, and I brought some friends along too!"

She waved the stick-thing and two small blobby things appeared beside Jet Fire's feet. One was green, the other was blue.

"Now I know you were all wondering what happened to Optimus Prime, so I decided to bring him with me!"

The Autobots and Decepticons stared at the splodges in disbelief.

"You turned Prime into a pair of blobby things?" Thundercracker frowned.

The Good Fairy looked shocked.

"Oh no!" she exclaimed, "That wouldn't be right at all, not to mention impossible!"

The Autobots visibly sagged in relief.

"Oh no," The Good Fairy continued, "Optimus Prime's the blue one."

There were several loud clangs as more than one Autobot fell over at the shock. Prowl, who had long ago shorted out from the illogic of it all, was lying down, blissfully unaware of the proceedings.

Jet Fire gingerly bent down and picked up the two blobs.

"Optimus sir?" he asked hoping it was all just a joke.

"The first person to laugh will spend the next week in the brig." The blue blob said, folding what presumably were its arms.

"Anyway," TGF (The Good Fairy) breezed, "Can't you all just sort out your differences and live in peace?"

Everyone stared at her, including the blue blobby Optimus and as one gave her the answer: "_NO_!"

"Oh, well then," TGF said grumpily, "I'll just have to turn you all into Goons."

"Now just you wait a minute–" all the TFs began.

TGF ignored them and waved the glitter stick thing. Once she had finished she gave a satisfied nod and disappeared in a puff of green smoke.

The Autobots and Decepticons looked at each other in bemusement. They weren't exactly sure what had occurred after the strange human-like thing had appeared, except from the fact that they were now a lot smaller than they should have been and, sure as hell was filled with lava and brimstone, didn't look like their formers selves.

Jet Fire mentally went over the past five minutes in his processor, trying to find a solution to what had happened. The various coloured blobs milled around, waiting for their leaders to do something.

"Wait everyone, I have an idea," Optimus declared.

"Well let's hear it Prime," Megatron hissed. He was currently a purple blob and was not enjoying it at all.

The Autobots and Decepticons gathered together to discuss plans.

"Oh Good Fairy!" the former TFs called in unison.

There was a loud pop and, like someone had stuck a pin in a balloon, and a puff of pink smoke appeared in front of them.

When the smoke cleared they could see a small human-like thing hanging in the air. On its back there were two small wings that were fluttering like crazy. It had blonde hair, appeared to be wearing a dress made from flower petals and was holding a little glittery stick thing with a star on the end. The dress was pink.

Since nobody had told them that this was not normal they assumed that things like this happened to humans every day. But no more. Never again. Nuh uh. No sir-ree.

"Well? What is it?" she asked, slightly annoyed, "I'm in the middle of helping Dorothy to save the magical Land of Oz."

The blob Optimus squelched forward and looked up at her.

"We just wanted to thank you for turning us into Goons," he said smoothly, "It's much better than being Transformers and a lot more fun."

All the blobs nodded in agreement.

"What?" TGF shouted, "It's your punishment! You're not supposed to enjoy it! That's it! I'm turning you back!"

There was a loud pop and the TFs found themselves TFs again.

"Now I hope you feel sorry!" TGF yelled.

Optimus and Megatron exchanged looks. A mere ten seconds later TGF was hit by twenty blasts from various hands guns, rifles and, in one particular leader's case, a fusion cannon. She exploded.

The leaders made sure she was well and truly gone then eyed each other up. The orders came at the same time;

"Autobots attack!"

"Decepticons attack!"

--------

Little Bunny Foo Foo hopped away from the huge robots. He was pretty sure that he should have said thank you but decided not to, partially because you could never be too sure with giant robots but mostly because they had started fighting and he had no wish of being thinly laminated to the floor. He could feel the fields calling him anyway, the mice had been just too happy while he was away.

He hopped out onto a hard surface and began to cross the strange black ground. He was concentrating so hard on his goal that he failed to notice the car until it was too late.

The black jeep drove away (its driver completely unaware of the small splat of hair and other un-nameable parts laminated thinly to the road) where it was hit by a stray shot from a very large gun belonging to a very large robot (whose name was Hot Shot who in turn was knocked out by another robot called Thundercracker who was in turn captured by more robots and put in a jail cell in the Autobot base, the robots in question were soon to get their come-uppance from a certain writer by the name of Red-Eyes who was immune to karma and things like that because she was the all-powerful author and was going to torture them all for being plonkers by writing stories in which they did stupid stuff and posting them on the internet for other people to read about. Anyway… back to the car:) and was vaporized instantly. In a way, justice had been served and some innocent mice had been saved.

--------

And the morals of this story are: The Good Fairy is a moron and what goes around comes around (except in the case of me).

--------

RE: Well hope you all enjoyed. I've changed my mind about what I said

earlier; I won't update unless I get at least one review for each story.

/looks out of window, sees duck, looks around wildly/ Run Flopsy, run!

The ducks are coming. /points to readers/ You'd better escape too… while

you still can/runs away with Flopsy/ Don't forget to review or face the

wrath of my water gun of doom! Red-Eyes out!

DD/appears from nowhere with a toy duck on a stick/ Hehehe.


	6. Avoid Lori's Temper At All Costs!

RE: Well, here's another crazy fic only it's based on a real life experience for

me. Enjoy! For **_Lady Starscream and AngeGardenvoir._**

--------

_**Lady Starscream:**_

RE: Heheheh. Evil twin…

DD: You just _had_ to say it didn't you?

RE: It's a good job you don't sue (not that I'm old enough to go to court) since I ain't got a lawyer.

As an answer to your offer in… was it _Beautiful_? I'd love you to be my editor but my friggin dad won't let me give my e-mail to anyone (grumble, grumble) since it's the family one, which totally sucks. Can't wait until I move out… gotta go three more years… I really appreciate it though. I'm sooo sorry. My life sucks. The moment I can I'll let you know. Thanks for all you reviews. o! :-( /cries/ Evil parents.

DD: Moron. Can't you do it anonymously through the private messages?

RE/perks up/ Oh god that sounded so wrong… anyhoo, can you? If we can then that should be OK with my folks. Hang on. I'll ask.

there is a moment of confusion as RE has conversation with annoying parents

RE/returns and sits back down at laptop/ That should be OK. We need to find out if that works. Oh and do you mind if it's just for my longer stories – I've never been very good at those, but I prefer to just write my oneshots and twoshots and just post them. Over to you, LS.

DD: She has this annoying habit of shortening names; I'm not Darkness Dragon, I'm DD; she's not Red-Eyes, she's RE; Sapphire225 is Saph; and now you're LS. Deal.

RE: Oh yeah, I almost forgot, in _Beautiful_, I'm afraid I can't say who was talking about who; I might post another chappie or a sequel and I don't wanna give any spoilers, or I might just leave it your very capable imagination…

_**AngeGardenvoir:**_

RE: Cree does know that the sun does rise in the east every day and the sun will one day turn into a supernova, but long before that it will turn into a red giant and we'll stop caring about the supernova bit coz we'll be crispy doesn't she?

DD: And we'll have stopped caring about that million of years before on account of being _dead_. Idiot. Why'd you tell her that anyway?

RE/shrugs/ I dunno, my science teacher says so, and he's a physics teacher. Anyhoo, thankies for the review, sorry, but I can't give you my e-mail coz it's a) got our last name in it and b) is my whole families' so my pop wouldn't let me. Soz hunnie.

And I ain't telling you who was talking abut who in _Beautiful_, I'm thinking about either writing a sequel or posting another chapter… when the plot bunny gives me another idea that is…

--------

Disclaimer: I own nothing remotely resembling anything famous.

--------

**Avoid Lori's Temper at all Costs!**

Lori walked up to the door.

She was in such a mood! How dare they all criticize her taste in habitat? It wasn't her fault she loved the city and hated the country. Men! They were all the same, even giant robots from outer-space.

Hot Shot ran up behind her.

"Lori, are you OK?" he asked.

She banged on the door, it wasn't opening.

"I'm… fine, Hot Shot," she growled.

It still wasn't opening.

"Erm Lori?"

"What?"

"You have to press the red button to open the door."

--------

Hot Shot walked into the control room looking terrified.

"Hot Shot! What happened?" Scattershot asked, helping the racer into a chair.

Hot Shot's voice was wavering slightly as he told them;

"Well I went to see if Lori was OK coz she looked a bit angry when she left, and when I got to her she couldn't open one of the doors so I reminded her how to do it…" he broke off, unable to continue.

"Come on Hot Shot, you can tell us," Optimus reassured him.

"Well I told her how to open the door and she turned around and shouted at me, she called me a heap of scrap that wasn't fit to even be a toaster and threw a spanner at me."

The Autobots nodded in horror, they had all been the subjects of Lori's temper tantrums at one point and knew how unnerving it was to have a small squishy thing shouting at you.

The doors opened to reveal Lori, looking extremely pissed off. She walked into the room and looked up at the stares she was receiving.

"_WHAT_!"

The Transformers scattered.

--------

RE: Well, it was a bit short and I have to say I don't think that this was one of

my best, but it was OK wasn't it? oh and another thing, you have to

hear… well read this, I was sitting in registration at my high school and I

sit beside my friend Greig for that, and he was talking about this girl

called Nicole who he's sort of friends with, and she wears those three

quarter length trousers that are supposed to be fashionable, and Greig

suddenly came out with;

"Do you think that Nicole looks better with her clothes off?"

I mean, can you believe it? he explained by saying that he meant when

she was wearing full lengths, but I've been teasing him about it for ages.

Hehehe.

DD: Stop hammering Greig.

RE: Why? It's fun. Oh and he once spelt gift as gilf!

DD: Shut up before I call The Ducks.

RE: Shuts up. /holds up sign/

Sign: Review please, if you don't review then I'll shoot you… with my water-

with-non-washable-paintball-shooter-attachment-gun of doom (as seen

in _Beautiful_)! Red-Eyes out!


	7. Time to Put it On

RE: Well this is just a crazy idea that I though about when I was in the shower, so, enjoy.

And sorry for taking so long to update. For **_AngeGardenvoir, Sapphire225, Thatredcar and Wariena,( even though she didn't review the last chap since I'm too lazy to sort out the other chapters)_**

--------

**For chapter 7**

_**AngeGardenvoir:**_

RE: Yeah, Lori is evil… evil! Evil! Evil! Evilevilevilevilevil!

DD/calmly whacks RE over the head with a frying pan/ Shut your gob.

RE/rubs back of head/ OWWWWWW/snickers/ Cree honestly didn't

know? Hehehehehehe. ;-) lol. Enjoy. /winks and gives peace sign/

_**Sapphire225:**_

RE: Did you get my e-mails, hope they were some help… if they weren't, just

say.

DD: Of course they weren't useful! You put random ideas in!

RE: No, I thought about then for at least 15 minutes before suggesting them

(this is a really long time for me). Yet again, hope they were some help. Don't worry about the reviews, you totally made up for it by reviewing the other fics.

/snickers/ Heheheh. Hot Shot got beat up by a _GIRL_! Enjoy this latest instalment in the TF torture chamber…

_**Thatredcar:**_

RE/sniggers/ Hot Shot got scared by _LORI_. /breaks down into hysterics/

DD: It wasn't that funny, even you said that you didn't like it.

RE/stops laughing and cries/

DD: Well, hope you enjoy this chap. I'm going to leave now and wait for RE

turn the waterworks off /walks out/.

--------

Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers or MIB.

--------

Summary: A new recruit at the MIB base is… interesting…

--------

_**IMPORTANT NOTICE:**_

I'm going to start answering reviews through PM, chapters will still be dedicated and anon reviews will be answered in the stories if I can't find your profile to send you a PM.

That will be all.

--------

**Time to Put it On **

J watched with a critical eye as the new recruit hit every single target, dead centre.

"Very good," he commented. "But you take too long to fire between shots. If this was real life, you'd be dead by now!"

The recruit bowed his head in apology.

"Sorry, J," he mumbled.

"Don't say sorry to me!" J exclaimed. "I'm not the one who's head would be on the ground if this was real life!" seeing the recruit's expression he let up slightly. "OK, let's go and test your mental skills now."

J led the way to a small room and the recruit sat down.

"OK, now this is a written test, I'll leave you in here for an hour and you have to complete the test by then. You may start."

He walked out and to the viewing room and watched with K and Z as the recruit lifted up the able and brought it over to lean on.

"He's strong," Z commented.

"He's not the kind of person that we normally employ though," K said, raising a brow.

"Aww, come on, K, give the kid a chance," J laughed. "He's better then some of the people that we get, and his skills should come in handy."

"But he's a-" K stopped the sentence at the look on Z's face.

--------

Exactly an hour later, J came in and collected the new recruit.

"Your paper will be marked right now by this machine," he indicated said machine. "Just feed your paper into this slot and it will be marked."

The recruit did so and the results came up onscreen.

_100 percent correct._

J raised an eyebrow.

"Well done," he frowned. "Well, kid, you've done well. It's time to put it on."

The recruit looked confused.

"Put what on, J?" he asked.

"The last suit you'll ever wear."

--------

Somewhat sceptically, J handed the recruit the suit. The recruit looked down at it.

"I don't think this suit's gonna fit, J," Hot Shot commented.

--------

RE: OK, it was a bit boring, but what did ya think? Please review and tell me if you think I should post this as a oneshot too.


End file.
